Gareth and the Lost Island - A Fantasy Adventure Comedy Audio Drama Series
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[VDM logo music]
Quack-Quack Hiss
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Venomous Duck Media presents,
Gareth and the Lost Island.
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Episode 4 -
The Glorious Dawn
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Disclaimer: This audio drama
should be considered rated
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PG-13 for discussions
of sexual hijinks,
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drinking, consuming
questionable potions,
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brief moments of violence,
crude language,
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and even cruder humor.
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Please use caution
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when listening in public, as this
story may cause audible laughter
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Venomous Duck Media is not liable
for any strained abdominal muscles
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you may receive while listening,
or the strange looks you might
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get from other commuters.
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If laughter persists for more
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than four hours, seek
immediate medical attention.
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[theme]
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GARETH: Izzy Morgana, I would
like to introduce you to my good
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friend, and Tralnis’ butler,
Henry of the Wooha Clan.
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IZZY: Well met, Master Chim.
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TRALNIS: Give me a boost up
onto the driver’s bench, Henry.
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[ape noises] TRANSLATOR:
Need a hand, miss?
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IZZY: Why thank you, good sir.
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[wood squeak]
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GARETH: Sorry Henry
but the front bench
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only holds three so…
[wood squeak]
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GARETH: … it looks like
I’ll be sitting in the back.
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HENRY: [laughing]
GARETH: Yeah, well
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‘ooo ooo aah aah pbtht’
to you too, pal.
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AIRSHIP PORT GUARD:
Identification papers, please.
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IZZY:Just a moment,
I know I have them somewhere.
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[Pats clothes]
IZZY: Here you go, sir.
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AIRSHIP PORT GUARD: Since
you’re obviously not a ground
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pounder, I need to think up
a polite way to ask this.
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IZZY: I hated how my hair
looked, so I had it cut
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short right after I had
that photo taken.
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Try covering up the extra
hair with your finger.
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AIRSHIP PORT GUARD:
Oh, I see it now.
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Everything is in order,
proceed through that gate
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into the tunnel and wait your
turn to be admitted into the
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airship port proper.
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Move along.
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[gate opens, carriage moving]
TRALNIS: Damn, the wall
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surrounding this airship port
is thicker than the fat lip
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Bregga gave me the first time
she caught me with her brother.
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GARETH: Wait, she caught you
more than once?
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TRALNIS: That’s not important now.
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We should look forward, not back.
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IZZY: [snickers] Any of you lot
ever flown by airship before?
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TRALNIS: My clan lives under
the mountains near Dragonheart.
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I’ve never had the need
to leave the island.
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[ape noises] TRANSLATOR:
Not me.
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My parents were
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from Chimia, but I was
born here in the IRD.
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GARETH:He says that while his
parents were from Chimia,
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he’s a native son of the IRD,
and has never left the island.
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IZZY:How about you?
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GARETH:I’ve been on
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several expeditions for
the Archaeology Department,
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but we always flew out of
Dragonwing on the north end
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of the island.
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Their airship port
doesn’t have anything
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remotely like this wall.
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IZZY: [snicker] You gents
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do know that only citizens
of the IRD actually refer
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to your cities as Dragon-this
or Dragon-that, right?
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GARETH: [laughing]
TRALNIS:Someone want to
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fill me in on the joke?
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GARETH: Sorry, Tralnis.
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While the first explorers
of draconia thought the map
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of the island looked like a majestic
dragon in flight, pretty much
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everyone else sees a flying pig.
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They replace Dragon with Pig
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when they speak about any
of our towns.
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Dragonheart becomes Pigheart ,
Dragonwing becomes Pigwing,
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and Dragon’s Strength is
called Ham for some reason.
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IZZY: At least it’s better than
what we call University City.
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TRALNIS:Do I even want to know?
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GARETH: Probably not,
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but I’m going to tell you
anyway.
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On a map, the University
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peninsula looks like a blob coming
out of the southwest end of a
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northeast facing pig.
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For some
odd reason,knowing the rest
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of the world refers to the city
housing the University Arcanum
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as the city of Pigshit actually
makes me feel better about things.
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IZZY: The reason the Pigshit
port has walls this thick and
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this high is to protect the
airships from the occasional
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brutal storms that hit here.
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Those storms bring winds that
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would toss the airships around
like toys in a toddler’s tantrum.
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By the time the storms make
landfall and reach Pigwing,
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they’re just a fraction of the
strength they started at.
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TRALNIS: Alright, I have to ask.
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Why are there two totally
different types of airships?
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Some have gas sacks above
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them with propellers at the
back while others have those
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long wooden outriggers, no
propellers, and a set of wind
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sails instead of gas sacks.
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IZZY: Two designs for two
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different types of flights.
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Over there with the outriggers
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is a Leyline ship.They are used
for long distance hauling
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between the major shipping ports.
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Like their name implies,
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they draw their power from
the Leylines that crisscross
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Hadronus and use the magic to
levitate and propel them.
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Each Ley ship
has a magical battery
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that they can use to levitate
if they leave one of the Leylines.
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The batteries aren’t normally
powerful enough to provide
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thrust, so the ships rely on
wind power to move them.
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TRALNIS: And the others?
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IZZY: Those are Mech ships.
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They burn coal to power their
steam engines.
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While they aren’t
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tied to Leylines, they do have
to stop and refuel frequently.
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GARETH: I would have thought
that as a Dwarf you would
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know this stuff already.
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TRALNIS: Dammit Gareth, I’m a
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doctor not an engineer!
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NARRATOR: High above them,
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an airman wearing a red
tunic fell off of a
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passing dirigible when
the railing he was leaning
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on gave way.
[scream, body hitting ground]
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The railing had
been a design flaw the crew
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had complained about
frequently to their engineer.
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[metal creak, snap,
scream with splat]
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GARETH:We should see if
we can help that man.
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TRALNIS:He’s dead, Gareth.
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[shudders]
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Sorry, it felt like someone
just poured ice water over my
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Bones there for an instant.
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Forgive this ignorant Dwarf
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for asking a stupid question,
but why don’t they have steam
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engines on Leyline ships?
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I would think it would be
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much more efficient.
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GARETH: Same reason as why
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there were two types of
diving rigs.
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There will
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always be religious fanatics
willing to destroy anything
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that might combine magic
with the mechanical.
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IZZY: Oh, thank goodness.
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You have no idea how hard
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it is for me and the
crew to hide the fact that
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we’re heritcs.
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We’re much
happier when we don’t have to
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watch what we say. Henry, turn
right at the next set of docks.
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[wagon stops, wood creaks]
TRALNIS:Look at that beauty.
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If there was ever an airship
that deserved to be called
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the Glorious Dawn, it would
be her alright.
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IZZY: That’s the Retribution, she's
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one of the IRD’s pirate
hunters.
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Yes, she’s
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impressive with 8 cannons
and a length of 250 feet
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and a height of 75 feet.
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But she’s no Glorious Dawn.
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My baby is behind us.
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Granted Glorious Dawn only
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has one cannon, and is
140 feet long and 35 feet
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tall, but she’s the best
thing to ever fly
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the skies of Hadronus.
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TRALNIS: Excuse me, Izzy, but
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I left something back on the
wagon.
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Gareth, can you come
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help me for a moment?
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You’re the one who
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packed everything.
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GARETH: Uh, sure,
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no problem.
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TRALNIS: Now like I said
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earlier, I’m not an
engineer, but even I
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can see that wreck has
so many different colored
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wood patches, I’m not sure
if anything is left of the
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original ship.
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Not to mention
with its front cargo ramp down
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like that, it looks less like
an airship and more like a
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beached whale about to be
sick all over the dock.
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GARETH: I agree completely,
but what choice do we have.
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If what Bregga said was true,
no other airship would be
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willing to take us.
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TRALNIS: You’re right.
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I wish I could blame
this all on you wanting
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to shag that Dryad, but
let’s face it, she was hot
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and I would go through much
worse to show that lovely
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tree spirit what Dwarvish
wood is really like.
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Alright, grab my medical
bag so Izzy isn’t suspicious
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when we go back over
to the Glorious Dawn.
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IZZY: Did you find what you
were looking for?
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TRALNIS: Yep.
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Can’t treat the
crew without my medical bag.
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(thinking) Not to mention tetanus
shots for Gareth, Henry, and I.
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IZZY:Wait here while I go
get my sister, Elizabeth.
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She’s the captain of the Glorious
Dawn, and the other part owner.
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[scene change music]
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IZZY: Elizabeth,
where are you?
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ELIZABETH: Down here in the
aft cargo trying to see if
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I can glare hard enough
to make cargo magically appear
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Sorry, Izzy, I didn’t
mean to take it out on you.
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Did you have any luck speaking
to the Shipping Guild?
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IZZY: Not really, good old
‘Dick Nutless’ black listed
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us with the entire Shipping
Guild of Draconia.
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I was
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informed rather rudely
that we wouldn’t be able
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to get a contract to haul
garbage on this stupid island.
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However, I did manage to line us
up a job with an independent.
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ELIZABETH: If that’s the only
job we can get, then I guess
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we’ll have to swallow our
Pride and take it… so long
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as we aren’t smuggling
anything too harmful.
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IZZY: Oh no, nothing like that.
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A professor from the University
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Arcanum wants to hire us for an
archaeology expedition. He's
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bringing a doctor, and the doctor’s
Butler with him.
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The doctor agreed
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to provide the crew free services
while onboard.
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I think it’s a good deal.
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We can use the money
they give us to buy cargo here
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to sell along the way, and
make an even bigger profit.
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ELIZABETH: (thinking) Slightly
glazed eyes and goofy grin,
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yep, I know where this is going.
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(outloud) I suppose it doesn’t
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hurt that the professor
is good looking?
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IZZY: Gods yes he’s…I…
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I mean that has
nothing to do with the job
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Oh, and from what
they said when I brought
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them to the ship,
they’re Heretics like us.
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ELIZABETH: Let’s go speak
with the professor, and see
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what kind of deal we can strike.
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IZZY: Just try not to
scare them, okay?
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We really need this job to
keep this old girl flying.
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Also, I have a gut
feeling about them.
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Our luck may
finally be changing.
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ELIZABETH: From that grin on your
face, I’m pretty sure it’s not
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your gut you’re listening to.
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00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:42,140
Besides, what makes you think
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I might scare them?
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It’s not my
fault people get freaked out by
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my missing eye, the burns
all over the right side of my face,
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or the fact my right arm has been
replaced with a clockwork contraption.
239
00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:59,459
IZZY: Actually, it’s more the
constant scowling and the way
240
00:11:59,459 --> 00:12:02,720
the claws at the end of your
arm start spinning at random.
241
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:06,620
ELIZABETH: You’re never going
to let me live that down, are you?
242
00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:11,430
IZZY: That poor wool merchant
actually wet himself and
243
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:15,088
tripped over one of his sheep
as he tried to run away.
244
00:12:15,088 --> 00:12:16,269
When he woke up
and found you
245
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,870
looming over him,
he started yelling
246
00:12:18,870 --> 00:12:23,579
something about demons with blood
red hair and then passed out again.
247
00:12:23,579 --> 00:12:26,170
ELIZABETH:My hair’s
not that dark.
248
00:12:26,170 --> 00:12:28,279
IZZY: Uh-huh, whatever.
249
00:12:28,279 --> 00:12:29,430
Just be nice for once.
250
00:12:29,430 --> 00:12:32,560
Try to smile when we talk with
the Professor and his team.
251
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,380
ELIZABETH: Like this?
252
00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:37,560
IZZY: On second thought,
253
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,089
just stick with scowling,
it suits you more.
254
00:12:40,089 --> 00:12:43,270
ELIZABETH: Come on,
the longer we talk about this,
255
00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:46,582
the longer we have to stay on
this gods forsaken island.
256
00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:52,648
[scene change music]
257
00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:57,513
GARETH: Looks like Izzy is coming
back, and she has her sister with her
258
00:12:57,529 --> 00:13:00,810
I have to say I’m really
impressed that someone who has gone
259
00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:04,769
through so much pain could go
on to captain an airship.
260
00:13:04,769 --> 00:13:07,480
TRALNIS: You know, with
that wicked looking
261
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:11,320
clockwork arm paired with the
sword and revolver tucked under
262
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:16,040
her belt, I can’t tell if I’m
more terrified or turned on.
263
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,670
IZZY: Elizabeth…
264
00:13:17,670 --> 00:13:19,860
I mean
Captain Morgana, I would
265
00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:23,870
like to introduce you to
Master Henry of the Wooha Clan,
266
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:27,459
Doctor Tralnis Granitestaff,
and Professor Gareth Mintel.
267
00:13:27,459 --> 00:13:30,639
ELIZABETH: My sister tells me
you are wanting to charter my…
268
00:13:30,639 --> 00:13:34,980
IZZY: (Clears throat)
ELIZABETH: I mean our…
269
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:38,370
Airship for an archaeology
expedition.
270
00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:39,370
Before I agree
271
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:42,430
to transport you, I need you
to answer some questions for me.
272
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:46,921
The first two are where do you
want to go, and how much are you
273
00:13:46,921 --> 00:13:50,910
willing to pay to have us
transport your team and equipment?
274
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:56,930
TRALNIS: Captain Morgana, we are
willing to offer 5,000 IRD Marks
275
00:13:56,930 --> 00:14:02,070
in exchange for transport to a spot
approximately 200 miles to the east
276
00:14:02,070 --> 00:14:03,070
of Consus.
277
00:14:03,070 --> 00:14:07,320
We’ll need 3 cabins,
and a small corner of your cargo
278
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,300
hold for our equipment.
279
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:11,570
I would
also be happy to perform the duties
280
00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:13,670
of ship surgeon
while on board.
281
00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:17,329
ELIZABETH: You do know that
200 miles east of Consus is
282
00:14:17,329 --> 00:14:20,440
in the middle of the
Narrow Sea, don’t you?
283
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,190
GARETH:That’s why we
brought diving suits.
284
00:14:23,190 --> 00:14:25,750
ELIZABETH: This must be a site
of some importance if a Dwarf
285
00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:27,180
is willing to go diving.
286
00:14:27,180 --> 00:14:29,120
TRALNIS: Don’t remind me.
287
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,940
ELIZABETH: I take it we will
be splitting the artifacts
288
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:34,399
recovered using
the standard rates?
289
00:14:34,399 --> 00:14:39,550
TRALNIS: Actually, I was thinking
more along the lines of a 50/50 split.
290
00:14:39,550 --> 00:14:42,490
ELIZABETH and IZZY:
Half?!
291
00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:47,130
GARETH:Ladies, excuse us for a moment
while I speak with Doctor Granitestaff.
292
00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:51,190
GARETH: What are you doing?
293
00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:54,279
The standard rate is 5 percent
294
00:14:54,279 --> 00:14:58,121
for the airship, 5 percent for
the expedition team, and the
295
00:14:58,121 --> 00:15:00,100
other 90 percent for the University.
296
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,699
TRALNIS: By the University…
297
00:15:02,699 --> 00:15:06,380
you mean the same bastards
that basically tossed us out
298
00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:10,240
on our arses in favor of a place
that will do their nails and give
299
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,820
them rapid genital handshakes?
300
00:15:12,820 --> 00:15:15,850
GARETH: So… what you’re saying is…
301
00:15:15,850 --> 00:15:18,070
TRALNIS: Screw those arseholes!
302
00:15:18,070 --> 00:15:20,329
Besides, we should get 50
303
00:15:20,329 --> 00:15:24,120
percent anyway since I used my
own savings to match what those
304
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:28,560
penny pinching, centipede
buggering, fools gave us.
305
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,529
GARETH: Well, when you
explain it that way…
306
00:15:32,529 --> 00:15:36,380
GARETH: I’m sorry for
interrupting the negotiations.
307
00:15:36,380 --> 00:15:39,370
Tralnis reminded me of some
facts I had forgotten about.
308
00:15:39,370 --> 00:15:42,550
Not the least of which is that
he is the primary private
309
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:44,500
backer for our expedition.
310
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:47,190
A 50/50 split will work out fine.
311
00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:50,459
TRALNIS: Oh… and did we mention
that the site we will be heading
312
00:15:50,459 --> 00:15:54,990
to slipped into the ocean during
the Second Great Apocalypse?
313
00:15:54,990 --> 00:15:57,829
From what I’ve heard, relics
from the Second Great
314
00:15:57,829 --> 00:16:02,500
Apocalypse are extremely rare
and in high demand among collectors.
315
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,710
ELIZABETH: Doctor, we have a deal.
316
00:16:04,710 --> 00:16:06,819
IZZY: If you three will follow me,
317
00:16:06,819 --> 00:16:08,579
I’ll introduce you to
the rest of the crew.
318
00:16:08,579 --> 00:16:11,310
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR: Let me
grab some of our stuff first.
319
00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:13,000
IZZY: Leave those there.
320
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,360
I’ll have our cargo master
321
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,360
come get them.
322
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,560
He is very
particular about where
323
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,970
things are stored in
his cargo bay.
324
00:16:20,970 --> 00:16:26,739
[scene change music]
325
00:16:26,739 --> 00:16:29,838
IZZY: All hands to the
cargo deck. There's
326
00:16:29,838 --> 00:16:33,279
some new people on board
that I want to introduce you to.
327
00:16:33,279 --> 00:16:38,279
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR:
What the hells is that?
328
00:16:38,279 --> 00:16:41,490
GARETH: Easy, Henry,
that’s a just Kwa-Kwa-Ur.
329
00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:45,240
I’m not surprised you’ve
never seen one before,
330
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,940
since they’re rarely
encountered outside of
331
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:48,310
their native swamps.
332
00:16:48,310 --> 00:16:51,079
Kwa-Kwa-Ur are tertiary
333
00:16:51,079 --> 00:16:53,980
beings with the Kwa
eyestalks fused to
334
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:58,550
an Ur body, a species
without eyes of their own.
335
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:02,730
The Kwa get protection and
mobility, while the Ur gain
336
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:06,580
vision and a way to communicate
with the other sentient races.
337
00:17:06,580 --> 00:17:09,260
IZZY: Sheldon, I would like
to introduce you to our new
338
00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:13,896
employers, Professor Gareth Mintel
and Doctor Tralnis Granitestaff.
339
00:17:13,896 --> 00:17:17,370
SHELDON LEFT EYE: Did she just
call this guy ‘Professor Mental’?
340
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:21,261
SHELDON RIGHT EYE: Well, let's be honest,
he’d have to be to hire us.
341
00:17:21,261 --> 00:17:25,020
[eyes laughing]
[Sheldon sighs in annoyance]
342
00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:30,126
SHELDON RIGHT EYE: Hey Doc, you
got anything for snoring?
343
00:17:30,126 --> 00:17:34,160
This big galoot snores so much I haven’t
had a decent night’s sleep in weeks.
344
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,419
TRALNIS: I’ll see what I can find.
345
00:17:36,419 --> 00:17:37,419
SHELDON RIGHT EYE: Thanks.
346
00:17:37,419 --> 00:17:40,224
SHELDON LEFT EYE: Hey Chim, how’s
it hanging?
347
00:17:40,224 --> 00:17:41,130
You know, because Chims
348
00:17:41,130 --> 00:17:44,257
were originally tree dwellers,and
they hung from branches…
349
00:17:44,257 --> 00:17:48,056
[crickets chirping]
SHELDON LEFT EYE: Wow, rough crowd.
350
00:17:48,056 --> 00:17:52,470
IZZY: Sheldon, their stuff is in the
wagon parked on the dock next to us.
351
00:17:52,470 --> 00:17:56,039
Why don’t you go get it before
your two comedians say something
352
00:17:56,039 --> 00:17:57,510
that we will all regret.
353
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:00,253
[Sheldon nodding rapidly]
354
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:03,030
SHELDON LEFT EYE: Hey, knock it
off with the overly vigorous head
355
00:18:03,030 --> 00:18:06,152
nodding, or I’m closing my eye the
next time we play catch.
356
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:09,052
Let's see how well you play
without depth perception.
357
00:18:09,052 --> 00:18:13,884
[big stomps]
358
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,520
IZZY: His name’s not really ‘Sheldon.’
359
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,640
It’s just what we call him.
360
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,350
GARETH: I totally understand.
361
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:21,840
While I can read
and write Urrish
362
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,679
it’s impossible for a
human to speak their language.
363
00:18:25,679 --> 00:18:29,480
The only time I’ve ever heard
a human voice come even remotely
364
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:34,059
close to pronouncing an Urrish word
correctly was at a faculty party.
365
00:18:34,059 --> 00:18:38,410
It turned out that what I thought
was a linguistic breakthrough,
366
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:43,410
was actually just someone trying to
swallow a live chicken on a drunken bet.
367
00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:48,350
PILOT: You asked for the crew,
Engineer of the Glorious Dawn?
368
00:18:48,350 --> 00:18:50,243
IZZY: Yes, I did Pilot.
369
00:18:50,243 --> 00:18:52,660
Hey, did you do
something different
370
00:18:52,660 --> 00:18:54,559
with your
head quills today?
371
00:18:54,559 --> 00:18:57,630
PILOT: My father, who sleeps
on the left side of the nest,
372
00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:58,900
suggested I try a new quill polish.
373
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,690
I was finally able to find a bottle
374
00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:04,890
in a section of this airship
Port’s duty-free section.
375
00:19:04,890 --> 00:19:07,850
IZZY: It really suits you.
376
00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:10,340
Anyway, Pilot, these are
377
00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:14,960
our passengers- a professor,
a doctor, and a butler.
378
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,919
TRALNIS: Enough of that silly
formality, my name’s Tralnis.
379
00:19:18,919 --> 00:19:21,270
What’s your name, lad?
380
00:19:21,270 --> 00:19:22,700
PILOT:I am the pilot
381
00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:24,590
of the Glorious Dawn.
382
00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:26,540
GARETH: Tralnis, Pilot
383
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,440
is a Roehus.
384
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,860
In their culture,
people don’t have names like we
385
00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:32,280
think of them.
386
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,090
To a Roehus,
a permanent name doesn’t
387
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:36,780
make sense.
388
00:19:36,780 --> 00:19:39,340
They believe that
a person is constantly growing
389
00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:41,190
and changing.
390
00:19:41,190 --> 00:19:43,610
Also, everyone
presents a different side of
391
00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:47,610
themselves depending upon their
current situation.
392
00:19:47,610 --> 00:19:48,610
The Roehus
393
00:19:48,610 --> 00:19:51,770
use descriptors or refer to
themselves by their position
394
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:52,770
instead of names.
395
00:19:52,770 --> 00:19:54,764
PILOT: The tallest
passenger is correct.
396
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:57,430
At this moment I am ‘the
pilot of the Glorious Dawn’.
397
00:19:57,430 --> 00:20:01,563
When I holiday with my parents, I am
‘the son who has returned for a visit’.
398
00:20:01,563 --> 00:20:04,890
TRALNIS: Gods, that’s a mouthful.
399
00:20:04,890 --> 00:20:08,295
PILOT: It is actually quite a bit
easier to say in our language.
400
00:20:08,295 --> 00:20:11,194
GARETH: He’s right.
In his language,
401
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,860
‘the son who has returned for a visit’
sounds like this...
402
00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:16,426
[click of the tongue followed by
a stuttering ‘t’ sound]
403
00:20:16,426 --> 00:20:21,049
PILOT:You have excellent pronunciation,
professor who speaks the people’s language.
404
00:20:21,049 --> 00:20:25,049
IZZY: That just leaves our… cook.
405
00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:27,860
If you have anything other than
406
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:33,630
cast iron stomachs, you might want
to consider buying enough dried rations
407
00:20:33,630 --> 00:20:37,210
for however long you
think the expedition will last.
408
00:20:37,210 --> 00:20:40,110
I should warn you that he’s a
409
00:20:40,110 --> 00:20:46,020
Scaled One, so you probably have a
pretty good idea of what they’re like.
410
00:20:46,020 --> 00:20:47,480
[Henry growls]
411
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:51,220
EGITE: You better get
your pet on a leash!
412
00:20:51,220 --> 00:20:52,929
IZZY: Egite!
413
00:20:52,929 --> 00:20:54,919
What the hells is wrong
with you?
414
00:20:54,919 --> 00:20:57,118
These are paying passengers!
415
00:20:57,118 --> 00:21:03,840
EGITE: I am sorry, I’m just not used
to slaves being allowed to threaten
416
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,789
people like that.
417
00:21:05,789 --> 00:21:10,369
It reflects so
poorly on their master’s ability
418
00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:12,159
to control them.
419
00:21:12,159 --> 00:21:17,210
They are just
mindless, stinking beasts after all.
420
00:21:17,210 --> 00:21:18,410
GARETH: That’s it!
421
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:20,160
I’ve heard enough!
422
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:26,080
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR:
He’s not worth it, Gareth.
423
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:29,169
GARETH: Speak like that again
about my friend, and I won’t
424
00:21:29,169 --> 00:21:32,110
listen to him when he tells me
you aren’t worth the trouble.
425
00:21:32,110 --> 00:21:36,539
Next time, I’ll introduce your
smirking face to my boot.
426
00:21:36,539 --> 00:21:40,330
EGITE: Did you hear him,
Captain Morgana?
427
00:21:40,310 --> 00:21:45,109
He threatened me,
a member of your crew.
428
00:21:45,109 --> 00:21:49,049
What are you going to do about it?
429
00:21:49,049 --> 00:21:53,620
ELIZABETH: Professor Mintel,
I promise I will keep Egite
430
00:21:53,620 --> 00:21:57,050
away from you, and your friends,
for the duration of the voyage.
431
00:21:57,050 --> 00:21:59,040
EGITE: That’s it?!
432
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,779
That’s all
you are going to say?!
433
00:22:01,772 --> 00:22:08,638
Either that filthy beast stays
here when we take off, or I do.
434
00:22:08,638 --> 00:22:12,669
ELIZABETH: Egite is the ship’s cook,
so unless one of you would be willing
435
00:22:12,669 --> 00:22:17,679
to fill his place, we are going to have
to come up with some sort of compromise.
436
00:22:17,679 --> 00:22:22,790
TRALNIS: (laughs)
What do you say, Henry?
437
00:22:22,790 --> 00:22:24,200
You are always complaining that
438
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:28,380
cooking for just Gareth and I
isn’t challenging enough for you.
439
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:37,165
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR:
Sure, sounds like fun.
440
00:22:37,165 --> 00:22:40,550
TRALNIS: There you have it;
Henry would love to take up
441
00:22:40,550 --> 00:22:42,299
the cooking duties.
442
00:22:42,299 --> 00:22:43,970
Did I
mention Henry was top of
443
00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:47,779
his class at the Dragonheart
School of Culinary Arts?
444
00:22:47,779 --> 00:22:51,900
IZZY: Even I’ve heard of the D.S.C.A.
445
00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:53,600
Chefs from across Hadronus compete
446
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,520
to earn a chance at learning there.
447
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:56,770
Henry’s got my vote.
448
00:22:56,770 --> 00:23:00,270
SHELDON LEFT EYE: Give us a moment
to discuss this amongst those of
449
00:23:00,270 --> 00:23:02,330
us attached to one another.
450
00:23:02,330 --> 00:23:04,227
[whispers]
451
00:23:04,227 --> 00:23:07,659
Yeah, uh-huh, that’s what
I think too.
452
00:23:07,659 --> 00:23:10,799
SHELDON RIGHT EYE: For once the three of
us agree on something.
453
00:23:10,799 --> 00:23:12,480
The Chim stays.
454
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:17,130
EGITE: Pilot, come on friend,
you aren’t going to stand
455
00:23:17,130 --> 00:23:20,100
for this treatment
of me, are you?
456
00:23:20,100 --> 00:23:23,520
PILOT: Barely adequate cook, my
people have a saying perfect for
457
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,340
situations like this.
458
00:23:25,340 --> 00:23:28,888
Do not let the cargo ramp hit you
on the ass on your way out.
459
00:23:28,888 --> 00:23:32,460
ELIZABETH: Egite, you have 20
minutes to get your belongings
460
00:23:32,460 --> 00:23:36,980
off of the Glorious Dawn. After
that, I’ll have Sheldon toss you,
461
00:23:36,980 --> 00:23:41,620
and everything else in that
filthy nest of yours, overboard.
462
00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:47,309
EGITE: Thanks for nothing,
you filthy mammals.
463
00:23:47,309 --> 00:23:51,330
IZZY: Let me take you to
the galley, Henry.
464
00:23:51,330 --> 00:23:54,080
After you give it a look over,
I want you to write up a list
465
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:58,570
of what you think we need to make
it a place worthy of your talents.
466
00:23:58,570 --> 00:24:04,615
[scene change music]
467
00:24:04,615 --> 00:24:10,770
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR: What in
the name of my fuzzy nuts is that?!
468
00:24:10,770 --> 00:24:17,220
GARETH: I already told you; I have
no idea what that… thing at the
469
00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:19,410
back of the ice box is.
470
00:24:19,410 --> 00:24:22,529
My suggestion
is to grab one of those glass jars
471
00:24:22,529 --> 00:24:27,960
over there, put the thing in it,
tighten the lid as if your life
472
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:35,040
depended on it, and then give whatever
it is to Tralnis to see if he can identify it.
473
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:38,820
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR:
Will you do it?
474
00:24:38,820 --> 00:24:41,279
GARETH: Hells no I won’t do
it for you!
475
00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:43,750
It might touch me.
476
00:24:43,750 --> 00:24:47,549
I have a very strict policy on not
going near anything that looks
477
00:24:47,549 --> 00:24:51,260
like it may be an Eldritch Horror
that recently came into existence.
478
00:24:51,260 --> 00:24:55,809
IZZY: [clears her throat]
GARETH: Oh, hello, Izzy.
479
00:24:55,809 --> 00:24:59,610
[Henry snarls,
slams icebox closed]
480
00:24:59,610 --> 00:25:03,400
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR:
Uh, hi.
481
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:08,200
IZZY: Normally I would say
I hate to interrupt, but
482
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:09,289
not this time.
483
00:25:09,289 --> 00:25:11,752
I ate breakfast
here this morning, and I’m not
484
00:25:11,752 --> 00:25:14,059
sure I can keep it down
if I hear anymore.
485
00:25:14,059 --> 00:25:16,520
GARETH: Don’t worry about it.
486
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,100
I ate before we left Pigshit,
487
00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:20,510
and I feel the same way.
488
00:25:20,510 --> 00:25:24,399
On a different topic,
please call me Gareth.
489
00:25:24,419 --> 00:25:25,870
You’re not
one of my students.
490
00:25:25,870 --> 00:25:28,280
IZZY: (thinking) I wonder
how many of his students
491
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,880
sign up just so they
can ogle his butt.
492
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,480
GARETH: How can we be
of service, Izzy?
493
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,900
IZZY: Elizabeth wants me
to go buy some cargo to
494
00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:37,470
take with us on this trip.
495
00:25:37,470 --> 00:25:39,210
I’m off to the trading bazaar
496
00:25:39,210 --> 00:25:41,450
inside the port walls,
and wanted to see if
497
00:25:41,450 --> 00:25:44,040
Henry had a list of what
he needs put together yet.
498
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,100
GARETH: Henry put his list
down on the table.
499
00:25:46,100 --> 00:25:47,940
It’s held down by the only
500
00:25:47,940 --> 00:25:50,480
clean pot we were able to find.
501
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:51,480
[paper rustling]
502
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,990
IZZY: Sorry, Henry, but
I can’t read Chimmish.
503
00:25:54,990 --> 00:25:58,289
GARETH: It’s not Chimmish.
504
00:25:58,289 --> 00:26:01,340
Henry
just has really lousy handwriting.
505
00:26:01,340 --> 00:26:04,929
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR
Footwriting, dammit!
506
00:26:04,929 --> 00:26:07,809
GARETH: Okay, I’m sorry.
507
00:26:07,809 --> 00:26:10,700
I meant lousy footwriting.
508
00:26:10,700 --> 00:26:15,240
How many times have I told you
your penmanship goes to the hells
509
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,330
when you use your feet?
510
00:26:17,330 --> 00:26:20,539
Izzy,
if you would like, I could go
511
00:26:20,539 --> 00:26:24,600
with you and translate Henry’s
chicken scratches for you.
512
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,920
IZZY: I would be honored,
Gareth. Come on, the bazaar
513
00:26:27,950 --> 00:26:31,090
is just a few docks
North of here.
514
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:36,918
[scene change music]
515
00:26:36,918 --> 00:26:40,559
IZZY: So, what’s the story
with you and Henry?
516
00:26:40,559 --> 00:26:41,559
You looked
517
00:26:41,559 --> 00:26:44,640
like you were going to tear
Egite apart with your bare hands.
518
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,450
GARETH: Henry was my first friend.
519
00:26:47,450 --> 00:26:48,990
We met when I was only five years
520
00:26:48,990 --> 00:26:51,950
old, and I was living in an
orphanage on the bad side
521
00:26:51,950 --> 00:26:52,970
of Pigshit.
522
00:26:52,970 --> 00:26:56,530
Even in the IRD,
Chims are treated like second
523
00:26:56,530 --> 00:26:57,990
class citizens.
524
00:26:57,990 --> 00:26:59,400
Henry lived
only a few blocks from the
525
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,330
orphanage in the same ghetto.
526
00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:03,690
We would meet every day at the
527
00:27:03,690 --> 00:27:07,412
park and switch off between
playing and him teaching me
528
00:27:07,412 --> 00:27:11,330
Chimmish. After a few weeks of
being friends, some older kids
529
00:27:11,330 --> 00:27:15,059
in the neighborhood got together,
and decided it would be fun to
530
00:27:15,059 --> 00:27:17,950
Take out their aggressions on a
tiny Chim.
531
00:27:17,950 --> 00:27:19,650
They knew that the
532
00:27:19,650 --> 00:27:22,789
city guards would believe them
instead of Henry if he were to
533
00:27:22,789 --> 00:27:29,909
fight back, they thought picking
on Henry would be safe and easy.
534
00:27:29,909 --> 00:27:33,920
After school, bullies waited in an alley
by the park to ambush him.
535
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,180
IZZY: Go on.
536
00:27:35,180 --> 00:27:36,659
GARETH: I was with Henry
537
00:27:36,659 --> 00:27:39,330
when they stepped out from
the alley.
538
00:27:39,330 --> 00:27:40,400
I knew he
539
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,390
wouldn’t fight back, so I
stepped in front of him,
540
00:27:43,390 --> 00:27:46,010
and told the bullies they
would have to go through me first.
541
00:27:46,010 --> 00:27:48,890
IZZY: What happened then?
542
00:27:48,890 --> 00:27:51,370
GARETH: We got our asses well
543
00:27:51,370 --> 00:27:54,530
and truly kicked is what
happened.
544
00:27:54,530 --> 00:27:55,530
Lucky for us,
545
00:27:55,530 --> 00:27:58,059
one of the city guards saw
the beating, and stepped in
546
00:27:58,059 --> 00:27:59,970
before it got too bad.
547
00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:01,990
I got sent to the clinic,
548
00:28:01,990 --> 00:28:05,750
and the bullies got to spend
a weekend in jail. For the
549
00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:09,429
next five years, the odd
band of bullies would wander
550
00:28:09,429 --> 00:28:11,539
into our neighborhood
and try to pick a fight
551
00:28:11,539 --> 00:28:12,970
with Henry.
552
00:28:12,970 --> 00:28:15,900
With each
passing year, their insults
553
00:28:15,900 --> 00:28:18,669
became worse and worse.
554
00:28:18,669 --> 00:28:20,899
I knew
what it was doing to Henry to
555
00:28:20,899 --> 00:28:26,919
not fight back, so I stepped
in every time… and like every
556
00:28:26,919 --> 00:28:30,080
time before it, we got beat up.
557
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:31,240
At least we got beat up standing
558
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,429
side by side.
559
00:28:33,429 --> 00:28:36,260
Henry is the
hairy brother I never had.
560
00:28:36,260 --> 00:28:41,049
IZZY: That’s both the most
horrible, and yet wonderful
561
00:28:41,049 --> 00:28:43,850
thing I’ve ever heard.
562
00:28:43,850 --> 00:28:45,230
So how did you meet Tralnis?
563
00:28:45,230 --> 00:28:49,330
GARETH: Remember how I said we
kept getting beat up?
564
00:28:49,325 --> 00:28:53,824
Tralnis worked at the clinic in the ghetto,
donating his time. After patching
565
00:28:53,824 --> 00:28:58,179
me up for five years, he said he
might as well get guardianship of me
566
00:28:58,179 --> 00:29:01,029
considering how often we saw
each other.
567
00:29:01,029 --> 00:29:02,570
Imagine my surprise
568
00:29:02,570 --> 00:29:05,170
when the orphanage matron
pulled me out of class the
569
00:29:05,170 --> 00:29:08,679
next day to tell me a
Doctor Tralnis Granitestaff
570
00:29:08,679 --> 00:29:12,380
had convinced the local magistrate
to grant him custody of me.
571
00:29:12,380 --> 00:29:14,149
IZZY: That’s so sweet.
572
00:29:14,149 --> 00:29:15,710
GARETH: Even though Tralnis
573
00:29:15,710 --> 00:29:19,649
lived on the other side of the city,
I still managed to make it to our
574
00:29:19,649 --> 00:29:21,110
park a few times a week to see Henry.
575
00:29:21,110 --> 00:29:23,840
A couple of years later, Henry’s
576
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:25,510
parents died in an accident.
577
00:29:25,510 --> 00:29:27,860
True
to form, Tralnis took in Henry
578
00:29:27,860 --> 00:29:31,960
as well and sponsored both of us
for the schools of our choice.
579
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:36,070
Henry went to the D.S.C.A., and
I went to the University Arcanum.
580
00:29:36,070 --> 00:29:40,130
I became the youngest professor
in the University’s history, and
581
00:29:40,130 --> 00:29:45,841
Henry was the only Chim to ever be
accepted at the D.S.C.A., and he
582
00:29:45,841 --> 00:29:49,470
even managed to become head of his
class as well.
583
00:29:49,470 --> 00:29:50,470
Henry could have
584
00:29:50,470 --> 00:29:53,269
worked at any restaurant he
wanted to.
585
00:29:53,269 --> 00:29:54,870
Instead, he moved back home,
586
00:29:54,870 --> 00:29:58,309
and informed Tralnis that he
was going to be our butler,
587
00:29:58,309 --> 00:30:01,080
regardless of whether we
wanted one or not.
588
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:05,490
IZZY: So, the three of you aren’t
just friends, you’re more of a family.
589
00:30:05,490 --> 00:30:11,580
GARETH: I guess so…well as much as a
kinky Dwarf, a Chim with a questionable
590
00:30:11,580 --> 00:30:17,409
sense of humor, and an orphaned muta…
er, human could be a family.
591
00:30:17,409 --> 00:30:22,620
IZZY: I recognize the white stripe of a
doctor on Tralnis’ jacket, and the black
592
00:30:22,620 --> 00:30:25,169
vest of a butler for Henry.
593
00:30:25,169 --> 00:30:27,430
What do
the stripes on your jacket mean?
594
00:30:27,430 --> 00:30:31,140
What exactly does Professor Mintel
do at the University Arcanum?
595
00:30:31,140 --> 00:30:33,904
GARETH: The wide blue one means
I’m a professor for the School
596
00:30:33,904 --> 00:30:36,309
for the School of Languages.
597
00:30:36,309 --> 00:30:38,570
The brown one shows
that I’m an adjunct professor for
598
00:30:38,570 --> 00:30:40,929
the Archaeology Department.
599
00:30:40,929 --> 00:30:42,950
The
narrow green one indicates that
600
00:30:42,950 --> 00:30:46,080
I’m a researcher with the
Department of Applied Magics.
601
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:50,769
Until recently, I mostly taught
classes in the School of Languages
602
00:30:50,769 --> 00:30:53,590
and a few in the Archaeology
Department when they were short
603
00:30:53,590 --> 00:30:56,529
staffed due to other professors
being out in the field.
604
00:30:56,500 --> 00:31:01,289
All of my duties have been suspended
until I finish this expedition.
605
00:31:01,289 --> 00:31:05,131
IZZY: Applied Magics…does
that mean you’re a wizard?
606
00:31:05,159 --> 00:31:06,920
I’ve never
met a wizard before.
607
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:08,970
GARETH: I’m the farthest
thing from a Wizard you
608
00:31:08,970 --> 00:31:11,630
can find… quite literally.
609
00:31:11,630 --> 00:31:13,419
Have you heard of the
610
00:31:13,419 --> 00:31:15,779
extremely rare wizards
known as mages?
611
00:31:15,779 --> 00:31:18,779
IZZY: Those are the blokes
who don’t even need a focus
612
00:31:18,779 --> 00:31:21,330
object to perform
magic, right?
613
00:31:21,330 --> 00:31:23,779
GARETH: Yes,they’re extremely
rare.
614
00:31:23,779 --> 00:31:26,241
At any one time, there
615
00:31:26,241 --> 00:31:30,179
might only be 20 or 30 of them
on face of Hadronus.
616
00:31:30,179 --> 00:31:31,179
People like me,
617
00:31:31,179 --> 00:31:33,260
We’re just as rare.
618
00:31:33,260 --> 00:31:36,741
I have
no magic whatsoever, not
619
00:31:36,741 --> 00:31:39,840
even the slight glimmer that
most of the population has.
620
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,940
IZZY: What do you do for
Applied Magics if you don’t
621
00:31:42,940 --> 00:31:44,269
have any magic?
622
00:31:44,269 --> 00:31:45,809
I would think
you would need to be at least
623
00:31:45,809 --> 00:31:47,940
an Adept to be of
any use to them.
624
00:31:47,940 --> 00:31:50,970
GARETH: Each of the major
universities around Hadronus
625
00:31:50,970 --> 00:31:53,549
has at least one person like
me working in their Applied
626
00:31:53,549 --> 00:31:54,788
Magics department.
627
00:31:54,788 --> 00:31:56,860
Since we
don’t radiate magic, we
628
00:31:56,860 --> 00:32:00,730
are able to calibrate divining
equipment to a much finer degree
629
00:32:00,730 --> 00:32:02,260
than anyone else.
630
00:32:02,260 --> 00:32:05,460
We are also
The only ones who can sketch
631
00:32:05,460 --> 00:32:08,600
out experimental runes without
the danger of the runes getting
632
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,570
energized before
they’re ready.
633
00:32:10,570 --> 00:32:14,320
IZZY: I never thought about that
before.
634
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:15,380
I can see why they would
635
00:32:15,380 --> 00:32:17,240
want you to work with them.
636
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,130
You
said your primary job however was
637
00:32:19,130 --> 00:32:21,460
with the language department?
638
00:32:21,460 --> 00:32:23,700
How many languages do you know?
639
00:32:23,700 --> 00:32:27,682
GARETH: Ahh, 18 actually.
640
00:32:27,682 --> 00:32:29,348
IZZY: You’re kidding?!
641
00:32:29,348 --> 00:32:30,381
Wow!
642
00:32:30,381 --> 00:32:33,400
Hey, look over at those
two blue skinned Gutree,
643
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,040
what are they talking about?
644
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,679
[otter / seal/ sea lion noises]
645
00:32:38,679 --> 00:32:42,919
GARETH: Nothing really exciting,
the one closest to us, he was telling
646
00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:45,700
the other one about a new whale
blubber restaurant he found.
647
00:32:45,700 --> 00:32:50,250
IZZY: I’ve always wondered what the
other species were ta lking about.
648
00:32:50,244 --> 00:32:54,143
This is going to be…
awesome!
649
00:32:54,143 --> 00:32:56,040
How about that
Roehus over there?
650
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,389
The one pacing back and forth.
651
00:32:58,389 --> 00:33:05,590
[clicks, t sounds]
GARETH: She’s… uh…
652
00:33:05,590 --> 00:33:10,380
she’s been gone from home
for quite a while.
653
00:33:10,380 --> 00:33:11,430
Right now, she’s
654
00:33:11,430 --> 00:33:14,770
planning out in rather graphic
detail what she and her husbands
655
00:33:14,770 --> 00:33:17,799
are going to do once she gets all
three of them in their mating chamber.
656
00:33:17,799 --> 00:33:19,630
IZZY: Good for her!
657
00:33:19,630 --> 00:33:21,460
And what about those
658
00:33:21,460 --> 00:33:23,159
Centaurs yelling at each other?
659
00:33:23,159 --> 00:33:27,110
Are
they fighting over a female or something?
660
00:33:27,110 --> 00:33:30,900
[centaurs speaking]
661
00:33:30,900 --> 00:33:35,840
GARETH: Hey! Craar iv, as raoks aun'ra
662
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:37,700
mus Huirsum Trovrark kom!
663
00:33:37,700 --> 00:33:39,434
[centaurs laughing]
664
00:33:39,434 --> 00:33:43,769
IZZY: Care to share the joke with
the rest of the class, Professor?
665
00:33:43,769 --> 00:33:46,820
GARETH: The Centaurs were arguing
over which deathball team
666
00:33:46,820 --> 00:33:50,999
they supported would end up taking
the championship this year. I told
667
00:33:51,030 --> 00:33:54,669
them to cheer up, at least they
weren’t Houlton Tramplers fans.
668
00:33:54,669 --> 00:34:00,049
The Tramplers are so bad, they’ve
become something of a national joke.
669
00:34:00,049 --> 00:34:04,020
Just out of curiosity, what kind
of cargo are we looking to buy?
670
00:34:04,020 --> 00:34:07,990
IZZY: Well, since Consus is pretty
far up north, I thought we would
671
00:34:07,990 --> 00:34:13,060
try to get as many crates of
pig-nuts as we can get our hands on.
672
00:34:13,060 --> 00:34:20,826
GARETH: Excuse me, what?
Pig-nuts? Why don't the local farmers
673
00:34:20,826 --> 00:34:22,926
just raise more pigs?
674
00:34:22,926 --> 00:34:27,010
I would think it would be a much more
economical solution than importing them.
675
00:34:27,010 --> 00:34:32,690
IZZY: Huh? What are you talking about?
Pigs...oh...
676
00:34:32,690 --> 00:34:35,220
What do you call those small,
677
00:34:35,220 --> 00:34:37,950
brown fruits with the hairy outer
rind?
678
00:34:37,950 --> 00:34:39,740
You know, the ones with
679
00:34:39,740 --> 00:34:42,690
the green insides that
only grow here?
680
00:34:42,690 --> 00:34:45,389
GARETH: You mean dragontears?
681
00:34:45,389 --> 00:34:47,730
IZZY: You have to admit our
682
00:34:47,730 --> 00:34:50,250
name for them makes a lot more sense.
683
00:34:50,250 --> 00:34:53,829
GARETH: Huh, that must be why Tralnis
684
00:34:53,829 --> 00:34:58,349
always insisted we buy our produce at
that shop that had a banana between
685
00:34:58,349 --> 00:35:00,349
two dragontears as its logo.
686
00:35:00,349 --> 00:35:03,817
IZZY: Well, he is
a Dwarf…
687
00:35:03,817 --> 00:35:09,983
[outro music]
688
00:35:09,983 --> 00:35:14,215
This has been
Gareth and the Lost Island.
689
00:35:14,215 --> 00:35:17,706
Episode 4
Starring:
690
00:35:17,706 --> 00:35:22,390
Peter McGiffen as the
Narrator and Henry’s translator
691
00:35:22,390 --> 00:35:25,720
Allen Pettey as Tralnis Granitestaff
692
00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:28,829
Patrick Mallard as Gareth Mintel
693
00:35:28,829 --> 00:35:32,480
Debra Mallard as Izzy Morgana
694
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:36,304
Jeff Vestergaard as Airship Port Guard
695
00:35:36,304 --> 00:35:40,161
Lauren Kong as Elizabeth Morgana
696
00:35:40,161 --> 00:35:44,071
Daniel Fore as Sheldon’s Left Eyestalk
697
00:35:44,071 --> 00:35:48,775
O J V A as Sheldon’s Right Eyestalk
698
00:35:48,775 --> 00:35:52,989
Kayce Swan as Pilot
699
00:35:52,989 --> 00:35:57,217
and
Laurence Sterling Knott as Egite
700
00:35:57,217 --> 00:36:01,715
No Eldritch Horrors were harmed
during the recording of this show,
701
00:36:01,715 --> 00:36:03,897
even though we tried
as best as we could.
702
00:36:03,897 --> 00:36:07,097
In the end we just tossed
them back in the ice box.
703
00:36:07,097 --> 00:36:11,960
On that note, please remember,
evil food tossed into a fridge
704
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:14,783
never dies,
it just goes bad.
705
00:36:14,783 --> 00:36:19,465
Gareth and the Lost Island was written
and directed by Patrick Mallard.